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01 February 2010 @ 09:27 pm
Where am I supposed to go from here?  
Things are weird and I just don't know what to do.
I'm selfish and immature. I get upset over things that don't really matter and I dump it all on him so much so that he doesn't want to tell me when he's upset because he thinks I'll get upset too.

What kind of relationship is that?

I feel terrible and I feel lost. I told him I'm going to try. He said he didn't mean he doesn't want to cheer me up anymore. Just that it's been too one sided.

I've asked, and I've tried. I feel inadequate.

and I don't know how to fix it. I've resolved to change all of this, but now things feel awkward. While I understand that I'm not there enough for him apparently (although I do ask and its hard as hell to tell when he is actually upset), I feel like I'm changing myself. And he always said that he never wants me to have to change myself because he did that with his ex girlfriend and it messed him up for a year. So am I being ridiculous? Then why does everything feel so unnatural?

He's one of the only people I really trust with everything. What happens when you don't want to tell him you're upset because you feel like a burden?

I've felt like a burden my entire life. I'm sick of it. I guess I just took advantage of not being an inconvenience for once in my life and I screwed up one of the best things I have.

Go me.